QUESTION: I am being treated for genital warts and have read a lot about them on the Internet. Plenty of web sites say, “Try to avoid getting HPV,” but what do you do when you have it? What do I do to have a romantic life?

I plan to tell potential partners about my warts, but I worry any relationship will be over immediately. I don’t want my sex life to be over. How do I ever have a relationship again?

ANSWER: The “try not to get HPV” messages only go so far when you already have the infection. Most sexually active people have had or been exposed to HPV—but many don’t know it.

Studies suggest 60–80 percent of sexually active people have been exposed to at least one strain of HPV, making it the most common sexually transmissible infection.

Most people don’t have problems related to HPV, but some do. Women may develop cervical changes reflected in abnormal Pap tests, and some may develop genital warts.

Usually, people’s immune systems kick in and fight the viral infection. Most women who have cervical changes will get better and won’t get cervical cancer. Also, people who have visible warts will get fewer warts, or fewer outbreaks, over time.

There are more than 100 strains of HPV, but few are linked to genital warts.

HPV can be a frustrating issue for many women interested in men because there isn’t standard HPV testing available for men. Thus, many men don’t think they have HPV when they might—and they can’t be tested.

Researchers are working to develop better testing for men, which will help HPV communication among women and men.

Women who know they have HPV worry how male partners will react. When telling your partners about your genital warts, gently educate them about the issue and explain that because no one has ever told them they have had HPV, it doesn’t mean they don’t have it or can’t get it.

It may be scary to talk about STIs, but it is important to remember many are affected by HPV—and many are caring and accepting of the news their potential partner may have an STI.

Instead of worrying that your relationship might be over, I’d encourage you to look at the situation as something that necessitates careful and open communication. Nothing has to prevent you from fulfilling relationships.

You should ask your healthcare provider for more information about Gardasil, the HPV vaccine that protects against four strains of HPV, including those linked to cervical problems.

Visit kinseyconfidential.org to read other students’ sexuality questions.

© 2008 Kinsey Institute